I want to get back to writing about my recipes, but I’m working again and haven’t had the chance to cook lately. Working is good, because as you might have read in my last post, I need to keep busy. Unfortunately, my current temp work is, for the most part, just answering the phones. This means I get bored often, which always leads to rumination.
This office is so relaxed, though, and that’s a relief. They don’t really care what I do as long as I’m around to answer the phones. The former receptionist told me she would watch Netflix sometimes when she was bored. I almost feel like I could whip out my PSP provided I stashed it away whenever a client comes in. As much as I love games, though, I still worry that would shed some major light on how truly immature and un-professional I am.
I’m also a bit shy about writing on here when I’m working, not because I think it’s an unacceptable thing to do, but because my computer is fairly visible to people walking by. I don’t mind strangers reading this blog. Writing in anonymity, especially when you’re not a great writer is all fine by me. Having people I know in real life read my crap, is too scary and vulnerable.
It doesn’t matter how old I get, there is still a part of me that gets worried about being made fun of. That’s why I regret letting people in my real life know about this blog. I’ve told some friends, I don’t think most of them read it, so that’s ok. I wouldn’t want anyone here to read it though. I think it’s kind of silly, because in the end you’ve got to be yourself, right? Then again, what if being yourself isn’t a good thing? Then what? You change naturally. What if you’re not the one with the problem and it’s actually everyone else though? How do you determine which is which? These are some of the philosophical discussions I have with myself that I’ve yet to master.
I don’t recommend doing it to yourself either. It leads to feelings of self-doubt and a never ending rabbit hole of wondering if you need to change or continue to be yourself. People want to knock delusion, but delusional people do seem to be the most confident and happy. Ignorance truly is bliss.