A is for Aphrodisiac Asparagus Soup

Did you know that asparagus is an aphrodisiac? I find this surprising. I mean it is most certainly healthy. It cleanses your urinary tract and kidneys and provides you with energy. Energy is always helpful for vigorous sexy times. What I can’t get over (this falls under the category of  TMI, but I know I’m not the only one) is it makes my urine smell real funky. I don’t know how others feel, but for me that’s not conducive to feeling sexy. When I eat asparagus, I feel just about as sexy as Old Gregg from The Mighty Boosh.

This is how I feel when I eat asparagus.

Apparently the French are big believers in the sexual prowess that is bestowed upon them when eating asparagus. It is tradition to eat asparagus for every meal the day before your wedding night. So naturally, the cookbook At Home with the French Classics has a Cream of Asparagus Soup. Notice, how those Frenchies take it even further with the cream reference? Those dirty little cheese lovers.

To make this soup you will need, 2 tablespoons of butter, 3 pounds of asparagus, salt, pepper, 6 cups of chicken stock, 2 1/2 tablespoons of either arrowroot, potato starch, or cornstarch dissolved in 2 1/2 tablespoons of cold water, and 1/4 cup of heavy cream.

The fist step is to heat the butter in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Once the butter has melted you will add your asparagus, which should be cut into inch lengths without the stems. Saute the asparagus for about five minutes or until they are a bright green. Feel free to season them with salt and pepper as well.

Once the asparagus is cooked, you add the stock and bring it to a boil. While its boiling some foam will rise up. The cookbook calls this impurities that you will need to skim off and remove I’m not sure if that’s a sexual reference or if it’s symbolic of virginal wedding nights. Someone probably knows, but I do not.

You will boil the asparagus in the stock for about 5 minutes. The cookbook also mentions you can keep the asparagus tips for garnish. I do recommend this if you are planning on seduction because the tips of asparagus are pretty phallic. In fact, I say you should just make a giant phallic sculpture of them as a table centerpiece.

Whether you decide to do that or not, the next step is blend the asparagus and stock. I used my excruciating method of transferring the soup back and forth between the blender and two pots. If you’ve got the money, I recommend buying an immersion blender. Whenever I make soups like this I fantasize about those things.

Once everything is blended, you’ll want to simmer your soup and whisk in the starch. I just used cornstarch because I had some from a previous recipe. Once that’s nice and whisked, you add your cream.

The final result is an extremely sexy soup that will make your pee smell funky, but will also get you all ready to funk. If you know what I mean.

Creamy, sexy, goodness

Creamy, sexy, goodness

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