My Sad Pumpernickel Bread

My sad bread comes from Taste of Home Cooking for Two. The reason it’s sad is because I failed in cooking it right and it came out flat. As you can see.

My sad bread

My sad bread

I told my mother about my failure and she told me to not fret. She said that my dough probably wasn’t warm enough and it’s something cookbooks are never able to explain quite right. So I asked her, “How do you know if it’s warm enough then and what do you do to make it warmer?”

Her tips are to place a heating pad underneath the dough or put your bowl within a bowl of warm water. I’ll have to try this next time.

What irks me, though, is that I’ve made pizza dough from my Sicilian cookbook and that rose more than my sad bread. I don’t know what it is about baking. I just can’t get it right.

I showed my sad bread to my friend and classmate. She laughed at it. I wasn’t offended because I felt the same way, but she laughed and told me that she’s only been able to bake one type of bread correctly. In other words, she understands my pain and frustration.

So to make this sad bread, you dissolve a teaspoon of yeast in a bowl of warm water. Then you add molasses, butter, a bit of chocolate, vinegar, salt, rye flour, and whole wheat flour. You beat that until smooth and then sprinkle more whole wheat dough until the dough is soft.

Once the dough is soft you take it out of your bowl and knead on a flat surface. Taste of Home says that the kneading process will take around 6 minutes, but I felt my dough got to the right consistency pretty quickly. This is probably why it came out sad.

However long it takes you, once you are done, you place the dough back into a bowl lined with cooking spray and cover for an hour.

The dough should be doubled in size. If it has doubled you than punch it back down, because that bread has developed an ego that needs smiting. Once punched, you form it into a round loaf, place on a baking sheet, cover, and let it’s ego rise again for 30 minutes.

Once your dough has a healthy self-esteem again you bake it in the oven under 375 for about 20 minutes. Hopefully you won’t beat up your bread too much and it will come out alright. Despite my bread being sad, it did taste delicious. The mix of rye and wheat makes it slightly bitter, but the chocolate and the molasses sweeten it up a bit too. I wouldn’t mind trying to make this again. I bet it’s really good when it bakes correctly.

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